Monday, March 30, 2009
since you left the painting, its just pale
fill the color, i asked you. wont u go back to the picture?
You said, "i am the picture.i am the color.
i am the nature and all its flavor”
“pictured you naked, i picture you in brace.
but when i see you, you are in my page
i draw you, i write. i sing for you.
Is this right, when will I cure?”
“I am the dream, I am the light
I am the memory of your plight”
“ but you turn me on. makes me wild.
You make me sing and write
i know it for sure,this so right
I see in your eyes stars so bright”
“I am a lie inside out, which
makes you bet all that's worth”
“those caring hands, soothing touch
the fragrant breath, with eyes so lit
it aint true that you not true
I see god in all that’s you”
You smiled and said,
“Now that you made me god,
Now for the favor I ask, just nod”
“don’t let me go or stop
I like it here, with you”
“Its 9 o clock, better get up
You can’t be sleeping all day long”
So just another dream, I woke up
And got on with my day.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Ha ha, Atul and Saurav thinks its they who run, keep it running.
We do fight over it. Many a times. But its fun with them. I know Atul since we were kids. He is Priya aunt’s one and only son. We grew up together. We fought together. We studied together. We made friends together and enemies too. Like that gal from grade A, I hate her. So does Atul. Saurav is Atul’s cousin. He came to Bangalore when his dad got transferred. His dad makes planes. Atul and Saurav too want to make planes when they grow up.
I too know what I want to be. I want to be a news anchor. Like Barkha Dutta. She is too good. She is my role model. Ever since I started admiring her, I started to look news in everything around me. That’s how I got to know that mumma, pappa are fighting every night with out letting me and Munnu know. I know that Giri bhaiya and Megha aunty are in love. And I know that the Arun uncle’s hairs are not real. It’s an expensive wig he bought from Singapore. And I know he drinks and fights with his brother every day. See, all I have to do is grow up faster and join the TV and be a news anchor.
Munnu is my brother. He is in class 6. He is so demanding. He has my room now. I sleep in grand ma’s room these days. Mumma says she is 70 yrs old. But she looks older. May be 100yrs old. I heard Megha aunty telling Giri bhaiya that it’s not decent of him to ask her age. And they both giggled.
But I keep asking grandma about her age. She tells me that she is 100yrs. She never minded when I ask her age. She is really sweet. But she takes Munnu’s side at times. Like when munnu told he needs a room. She supported him saying that I can stay in her room. Papa, mumma supported munnu. Mumma told me that since I am the elder, I should adjust. Munnu always get away like that. Since he is the younger. At times I feel jealous. But then I will think, after all he is my brother.
He too gets along with Atul and Saurav. But fights a lot with his Saurav’s sister Susha. They too are classmates like Atul, Saurav and me.
Ok that’s about the gang.
I am really looking forward to the evening. We are invited to a party. We mean our gang. Its Saurav’s cousin brother’s birthday party. I have heard from Saurav that his cousin is really rich. He is really handsome. Atul keeps teasing me with him. But Saurav tells that he already has a girl friend.
Well, I am dressing up. Papa got me new jean during Diwali. I loved it. Atul was telling me the other day that it makes me look like a babe.
Well so be it. I wanna be look at best. After all it’s my first crush’s birthday. Let me look like a babe. I cropped my hair this summer. To match my looks with my idol.
Hema madam even addresses me as “Barkha” when she is taking attendance. She knows that I will be the next Barkha. I respect her so much, not just coz she calls me Barkha, otherwise also. I swear.
Ok, so my babe jean and which top? Well, the white cotton shirt makes me look like an executive. I like that look. I think news reporter should look sharp. Like Barkha.
But today, is a special day. A very special evening. Gotta impress people around. Wanna make Atul sound true when he tells “You are looking babe”.
I think I will wear the pink sleeve less t shirt. It’s the one Kareena wore in that hit song. I know it looks good on me too.
Grandma has issues when I wear jean or t shirts. I tell her, “Granny, generation gap you see. This is 21st Century granny”
She keeps murmuring in disapproval. But guess what? Who cares?
I am really looking forward to the evening you see!
So, I am in pink sleeveless t shirt, my favorite blue jean and the black shoes. Mumma is yet to allow me to wear heels. She will, once I am in college.
Only condition papa had is we should be back home before 7 o clock. Exams are close by. We will sure come back soon.
Atul, Saurav as promised came on time to pick me and Munnu. We reached the party hall. It’s by CMH road, Indira nagar. It’s a great place to hang out. Many of my classmates come to CMH road before heading home. Guys even smoke here. It’s news exclusive to me. Atul leaked it to me.
Well we were waiting outside for Saurav’s sister to join us. She is coming with their uncle. I saw a fat guy on the other side of the road. No shirt, only in a lungi; must be his idea of beating the summer. He is now crossing the road to get to our side. He is looking at us. He is speaking something. We can hardly hear. We burst into laugh when Saurav told, he looks a bear.
Ha ha, he really looks like one.
What is he screaming? Bear is having a bad day.
He closed on us. He is swearing. Real bad words. Screaming about something. It sounded vaguely like “sanskruti”, “culture” or something.
Atul sensed something, he pulled me behind him. The bear hit Atul hard. Atul fell on the road. We shouted for help. Then he turned on me. Asking what is that I am wearing?
He hit me. Real hard that my lips started bleeding. A painful sound barged into my left ear and stayed there. Its paining real bad. So many people are standing and staring. I am on the ground. Crying as loud as possible for help.
They-the void crowd- stood there. Staring. Bear attacked munnu also. I can’t see Saurav any where. Bear turned to me again. Started kicking me and abusing me real bad.
None came to help us so far.
Suddenly Saurav came with some people. His uncle, cousin are also there. His cousin just stood there, doing nothing. He too looked like a void, as if he belonged in the void crowd-the people. His uncle seems to be shouting back at the Bear. They are shouting at each other. I can only hear that loud buzz sound which filled my ear couple of minutes back. It’s so painful.
I see they-the void crowd- clicking snaps. The Bear turned around. Crossed the road in hurry and moved away. His mission accomplished???
Uncle held me together. Took me home. Its chaos at home already. Everyone shouting at each other. My cry turned voice less.
I too attained the state –void. But the buzz failed to faint.
Who was the bear? Of course, an animal.
What did I do? What was my mistake? It was Saurav who was making fun of the guy. Calling him bear.
But he sure was a bear who attacks people. I will have to correct that to “who attacks women”
Atul and Saurav won today. After all it’s them who were sure that it’s Men’s world.
Hold on, it’s a bear's world I guess. Then we can call this world a Jungle. Here I can’t be a babe. It’s a sin. They will punish. The bear. Many are out there in the Jungle.
Ya, we live in a forest.
It was all over the local paper the next day. I am news now.
“Moral police attacks another woman”
Moral police? Who are they? The question remained in my mind along with the buzz sound in the ear.
I think I forgot to introduce myself. I am Pooja, the aspiring news anchor who became news this early. I am the victim of bear attack. I am the victim of moral police's attack.
I will remain news for long. The buzz in my ear will remind me of the fact that its after all a Bear's World.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
It was really soon she started to talk to me that I didn't realize that we saw each other just a minute ago.
She was wearing black tea shirt.It suits her color.Created a contrast. A long sparkling bindi, it kinda made everything on that pretty face look sharp.
I don't mind talking to all day long.
“how is the recession's effect on your company? “
What? I was just gazing in those deep eyes. They are so bright. I can see a trillion stars.
“recession looks OK? “
I am sorry? What’s that? I asked again. May be she understood that I am just lost in her pretty eyes.
I couldn't take my eyes away from hers.
But she could. She was quick to look away outside through the window.
That kinda was like throwing water on my face, to wake me up. I woke up.I am wide awake now.
You were asking? i asked politely.
oh yes! its there! everywhere.They are laying off people. The management.
Oh really? Your company too? Which company you work for?
ya in mine too. I work for this company, showed my ID card to her.
She held the card. Looked at it longer than a normal acknowledging look. I was little surprised.
I slowly panned my gaze to her seat and quickly regained my position. She is wearing a black pants, black suits her. I think its the best color on her.
How can I decide? The only color I ever saw her in is black.
How is that i never met her before? Does she take this bus everyday? I should ask.
“so where do you live? “
what? I didnt hear that clearly. I am not thinking straight.
Where are you getting down? she asked again.
wow! she asked first!
ECC Road, Whitefield! I told her with all the excitement.
I know, it’s my turn now. and you? I asked in the same breath.
“hope farms”. She said.
Crap! so she will get down before me. At least, I will get to talk to her till then. I wanted to tell driver to drive as slow as possible.May be if he wants he can even take a break. Let him just park the bus somewhere.
She’s so bright. It should have been a great day to her at office today. How can a person be so bright and shining during this late hour? How great she will be on a sunshine morning. God, will you let see that too?
I am not drooling yet. but almost there.
Oh God, I can’t take my gaze away.Well its better to use the word gaze to stare. Stare appears as obvious sleazy.
Drop dead gorgeous to my standards. Ya, way outta my league? But who cares? We all believe in lottery, don’t we?
I can’t be staring at her, oops i mean gazing at her, without talking to her something.
“so how was your day? “ I asked.
“It was hmm, (she smiled, trillion dollar smile, the best moment so far)…well… OK. As expected. No miracles. She said with shaking her head a little and turning her head to the opposite side window. “
Damn it! what did I do? Could I not ask her something else? What will make her turn this side again?
so how was your day? she turned around and asked!
Is this my lucky day? oh god! you so merciful.
“my day? its great.” (read never been this great).
Sensing her stop is just another couple of minutes away I asked, “do you take this bus everyday? “
now my gaze turned to a curious introspection.
“Have been mostly.”She said.
Lady I need a definite answer. I have to do some rescheduling to my office timings to match yours. Do I have to tell you all this? Cant you just read my mind?
Read my mind.Read my mind. God! be merciful again.
“This bus is very comfortable. the timing too. may be I will try catching this bus now on everyday. “
“Ya. do that “ she said.
So she liked my company? that means she did right? whom to ask now?
"Ya. definitely. Will try to catch up with you in the bus every evening. Will say hi, hello you see".
Oh god! how could I do that? I think I just couldn't control.
"Not sure". She said. May be we will meet somewhere else like this unexpected.
Unexpected? Lady, God has plans for everyone of us. This was his master plan for me. Can she read this too from my mind?
She looked again to the other side. Started gearing up for her decent.
It’s almost her stop.
She is not turning around again. God, I cant take this. I wanna see those eyes.
Gotta ask her something. Make her talk, that way she will turn around, and I can jump back in that deep eyes again. And hit the trance mode again.
hmmmmm, What to ask???? hmm, mmm, (hoping my humming will make her turn around
“so how is recession thing hitting your company? anything serious?” I asked.
she didn't hear?
she didn't turn yet. or spoke anything.
I meant the recession, any effect on your company or projects?
she turned! oh,thank you god! time to jump back in.
"hmm, ya. it did affect. my company is a small company
"many lost job".
"our project was the last one affected so far."The number of stars in her eyes kinda dropped sizable.
She looked down for a second. Looked back at me.
"its my last day at job today.Yesterday my manager told me that I have been laid off. Management cant support this many people it seems.
Well they gave me just a day to pack up. Will have to look for another job now. As its
recession, you know right, its so tough now"
I am sorry. whats that? I couldn't believe my ears.
I think I didn't hear correctly.how can someone lay her off?
Wont I get to see her again?
She got up. Its her stop.
“nice meeting you”, she said.
“ What?” I still cant hear things clear.
so many things in my mind.
she smiled. ah! those stars. they are back again.
Its clearer now. But she is moving away.
Bus stopped. She got down.
I waved at her. bye.
She waved back.Still smiling. That killer smile. On such a bad day.
I couldnt take my eyes off her. She is walking. Bus is catching up speed. I can’t see her anymorewhat was she saying? It can’t be true!
She was so bright
How could she be so strong? Who was she?
I didnt even ask her name.
Get up!!! Request the driver to stop the bus. And Walk her home.
I didnt do anything.Sat there on the seat.
Glued. Couldnt move a bit.
Her bright eyes. Her shining face is still in my eyes.
How will she look on any other day? she must be a goddess on other days.
She was one today too. On one such a bad day she looked so graceful.
I looked out the window.A board by the road said "ECC ROAD"
Bus is moving again.
Will she get a job again near my office? Will I get to see her in this bus again? God, what a miss this long.
Started feeling terrible for her.
But I hope that what you have for her is something great too. A better job. A better boss.
But get her the job near my office only please. I will take this bus everyday.
I am hoping to see her again very soon. I wanna know her name too. You have to give me one more chance to her too.
With a job.
Last Stop!! Conductor screamed.
What?? Is he drunk? how can that be? my stop is much
before last stop.
I looked out with disbelief. Some place.
Pulled myself up in a whisker,hurried up to the driver and
asked, "Sir, ECC Road ? "
"Were you been sleeping??? It was two stops behind. Get down here, cross the road, take any bus plying on the opposite side. "
“Oh! I am sorry Sir. I dint realize.”
May be he is right. I must have been sleeping. And all that happened was just a dream.
I got down, crossed the road, hopped on to the first bus
plying to ECC Road. Got home safe.
But many things changed now.
How can people be so strong. This strong?
God this was your master plan for me? why you do this to me?
While trying to open the gate to home,my ID card fell down from my hand. Looking at it being there on the floor, jitter ed me.
Within no time I picked it up. Held it firm.
I know God, I appreciate what I have. Now more than ever before.
I understood your master plan now.
Thank you God.