Monday, August 11, 2008

I don’t own the story, the story owns me…

Woke up with a heavy head. Couldn’t sleep much coz of the stupid dream. I had a dream inside a dream. I saw a woman in my dream. She was so normal like those cheerful ladies who think their purpose of life is to give birth to a baby, who will reform her life, reform everyone’s life. Will be the hero of their heart and will be the obvious winner of the show.

She ate well, she bathe well. She groomed well coz she knew she shoulders the greatest responsibility of womanhood. There is a baby in her womb and a hero/winner in her mind. She knew it for sure that the baby is going to bring her days back. I didn’t see her husband in my dreams. He didn’t even play the cameo. I was curious to see him enter the scene. But he was missing. He didn’t turn up for the show.

I saw her confined to a room. Kept her selves busy staring out of the window. She could see the road at a distance. A deserted road. She was particular about what she ate, when she ate and used to get grumpy when she had to wait for the food. She was well fed. She rather made sure that it was that way. At times she will get up, walk to the mirror, across the room, lifts her gown and looks at her belly. A good grown belly. She don’t remember since when it’s that way. But she did notice it growing to this big. She sings out loud, staring at her belly at the mirror and waits for her baby to make some noise or hum. She taps her legs gently on the tiled floor and waits to feel her baby kicking her belly.

Then she goes and takes her position again on the chair by the window. There was her comb, her lipstick lying next to several books on pregnancy on the table near the window. I knew she took the pain of walking up to the mirror only to see her belly. She kept the room tidy somehow. I didn’t know where was I sitting in the room. I could see her from the angle I wished to see. My presence was almost conceptual coz she never acknowledged my presence. I think I was invisible.

What is this all about? What am I seeing? Why am I seeing this dream? I did my prayers before I rested my head on the pillow. I had prayed to make the night pleasant. I wanted to wake up early. So wanted a good night sleep. I never minded when I had to sleep with Salma hayak, make love to her all night long. But why is this happening? I kept waking up through out the night. Did the praying again. Did even try tuning my mind for the steamy dreams, me and hayak dreams. But each time I slept, I got back to the same room. To the pregnant woman.
To see her acting.
To see her acting?????
Acting? Why??
She was very well living. It wasn’t a stage. And I didn’t see any cameras around too. Neither was it any reality life-show. But why was she acting? Why did I choose the word acting?
Did I not mention that it was a dream inside a dream? The script writer of my dream suddenly did a cameo with his voice. He briefed her story to me.

He told me why she is always by the window. Why she sings out loud and taps her feet. He told me that she is waiting, waiting for her husband. Waiting to see the dust rising on the road by the wheels of his ride. Waiting for him to get the medicine she is waiting for.
Medicine? I asked.
He continued, Waiting for him to take her home. Take her to the carnival again.
Take her home? Isn’t this her home? Where is she and where am I? Why she needs medicines? I wanted answers to all this.

He said, “she is pregnant with a dead baby”

What the fuck? I don’t like this dream. Change the dream or at least give me a happy ending. Where her faith and fate brings her baby back to life. Okay? Cant you change the script?
He continued as if he didn’t listen to that, “She sang out loud, hoping the baby could hear her and will make some noise”
“She danced to make the baby tap its leg too.
She hoped to see the baby moving when she stared her belly at the mirror.”

No no no no!!! This is my dream. I want happy dreams. I need pleasant night. Give me some happy dream, or some porn dream but, no, no, no not this dream!
Okay, what about no dream at all?

He again continued, “this is the hospital she was put into.”
Then why are none helping her? Is it safe for her to have dead baby in her? Is this all make sense?

She is so possessed about the baby, about her dream. Dream of her baby finally listening to her songs, humming to her songs, tapping its legs with her legs. She is dreaming to win. She has faith. She has faith on this dream of hers. She knew that she is gonna wake up smiling.

What faith? Cant you do something? Cant you make the baby hum and tap? I thought you own the story. Or at least stop making me go through this. Take me out of this dream.

He said, “I don’t own the story. The story owns me.”

What the fuck!

I forced myself out of the bed. Walked to the bathroom and took a leak. Got back to the bed. Drank some water.
Prayed harder..
Longer..
Visualized pleasant scenes. Hijacked salma hayak from where ever she was. But once I sank to sleep, I opened my eyes inside the pregnant woman’s room again. Salma ditched me. I thought, okay, may be I just have to go through this for the night.

Suddenly I saw her clapping! She started shouting with so much of happiness, “he is here!!! He is here! Now we gonna get outta here.” She said looking at her belly.

I too gazed outside the window, I saw the raising dust. I saw a car. I felt like telling her, “hey he is here. Wow he is here”

What happened to me. How would I know that its her husband who is coming? Even if its her husband, from where will he bring the medicine to get the baby to humm and tap from the land of no return? What happened to me? Why am I getting carried away?

May be I started to hope that it is her husband. I started to hope that he got the medicine. I started to hope them three going home. I hoped so much to see the happy ending to the story. Happy pleasant ending to her dream. To my dream.

It started to fade. It started to blur. It was as if I was loosing my vision. A loud noise filled my ears. It kept on recurring. It took the plug off my dream. The noise.
The noise shook me awake. It was the door bell. Someone at the door. He/she really at the bells, trying to get me open the door as if it’s the door to his/her salvation.

I slowly gathered my conscious. I gathered myself up. For a moment I was trying to think what is really happening? Is this again the dream? Is her husband by my door? What is it? Who is it?

Krrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrinnnnnnnnnnnng, the loud noise of my door bell again.

I forced myself up and got to the door and opened the door.

It was the area “ghoorka” (the watch man). He said with a plastic-y smile, “Krrrrring kriiinnng”. (the noise of the bell is still ringing in my head)

I asked, What?

He said again “Salaam Saab”

I know what is he here for. The usual 30-40 rupees he collects from door to door from the neighborhood. It’s his salary for whistling all night to let us all know that he is really awake!

I gave him 30 bucks. 10 bucks lesser than last time for his ferocity at my door bell and for the krring kring sound he left in my head. I shut the door on his not_so_impressed_by_the_salary_face.
I sank into the chair in the hall. Looked lazily at the clock.

It’s beeping EIGHT O CLOCK!!!!

Fuck!
I got hardly any time to get ready and get to office. But what about the dream? It’s kinda unfinished! What about its happy ending? But what if it doesn’t have a happy ending?

It ought to have a happy ending.
I hope so. I hope that the dream inside my dream ends happily.

I gotta start my day, rush to office, do some coding, chatting, flirting, talking, eating, traveling and get back to bed hoping for a new dream.
A happy dream. May be Salma Hayak. May be nothing but a good night sleep.

:)

13 comments:

Sree said...

As usual, unusally written, I sometimes think why you get so different experiences, May be your innerself is trying to tell you something which you are not able to get or understand !!!

How you manage to express your dreams so clearly yaar?

Must say once again Very neatly written !!! :)

Regards,
Sree.

nazneen said...

Hey that was very innovative!!
Make sure you keep writing Varun :)
Nazneen

varsha said...

i wonder why i could never recognise the creative creature in you. must admit that your effort is extremely laudable. This story actually took me away from my daily quagmire of life and forced me to think- think with a totally different perspective.....think like a totally different person altogether.
keep up the good work

Vidya Sheejith said...

Really touching... even i hope ur dream had a happy ending...

Jyo said...

Highly exceptional dream..:) and very intersting narration too.
I am sure that most beautiful dreams are waiting for you..and all those dreams will com true ..
all the best
keep writing....

shreedevi said...

at times i really wonder ..... how do u manage to write so beautifully ....... for a min i was so lost in ur dream ...... like u was really waitin 4 a happy endin ....... but hope u dont get such dreams again .....

sunshine05 said...

Woooww.... speechless...
Ur way of writing always impresses me...Iam sure this one has left everyone hoping for a happy ending....

mishti said...

if it was ur dream,excellent narration,.If it was not,wonderful imagination,wonderfully written!!ahem ahem,now in teenage style,my style,you really rock!!:)))

work_of_fiction? said...

thanks for the appreciation. :)

Anonymous said...

Real good work, the flow of narration is so fantastic. Please continue writing

Vardhan said...

Excellent experimental work... Good narration... Since it's a dream, I can't demand you for a better ending :)

work_of_fiction? said...

Thanks Vardhan. It was more like a fiction stuff I tried. After the hues and cries of IT-full day, I hardly gets a dream. Good night sleep is too much to demand. :)
Thanks for the comment!

Nisha said...

Nicely woven dream, this time round all the threads were in synch,together and it was perfect....your style of conveying was good and interesting, held my attention until the last alphabet, good one!!